Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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