The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
