that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
