My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
