did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
