we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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