my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
