Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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