I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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