All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize