I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
