how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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