Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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