he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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