i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
