Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
