we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
