bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
