i love accidental penises.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
