He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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