I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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