He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
