jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
