she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
