At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
