Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
