My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
