yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
