is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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