Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
