it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
