i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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