Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
As shirtless as possible
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
