I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
