Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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