It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
