I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
