i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
two words...techno handjob
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
