$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
