Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall

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(206): View more from Washington

I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

(425): View more from Washington

There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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(214): View more from Texas

My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night

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(805): View more from California

just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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(360): View more from Washington

Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!

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(516): View more from New York

Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"

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(270): View more from Kentucky

ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?

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