I will die if light touches me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
