My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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