and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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