Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
