You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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