Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
