I'm really into asian looking animals
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
