dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
