He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize