I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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