New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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