I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
