Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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