And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
