6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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