Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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