so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
