We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
