I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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