Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
