I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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