Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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