i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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