After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
