u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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