More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
