just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
