she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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