You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this beer tastes like vomit already
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
