my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and she was petting her beer can
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
