Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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