Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
