No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
