So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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