He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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