I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
