I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
