she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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