It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
