Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
