dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
