I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
