is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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